If you believe the situation is serious, this is not the time for gentle observation and hoping things improve. Here is what to do.
Talk to them directly
Have a clear, honest conversation. Not a hint. Not an indirect comment. A direct statement: “I am worried about you. I need to ask you directly — are you okay? Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
Asking directly about suicide or self-harm does not create the thought. It creates an opening. Most people in this position feel relief when someone asks.
If they confirm they are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, do not leave them alone. Ask what kind of help they need. Help them access it now.
Do not manage this alone
If you believe someone is at serious risk, this is too much to carry as a sole supporter. Involve other people who care about them. Contact a mental health professional. Reach out to a crisis line for guidance on next steps.
Crisis lines are not only for people in immediate distress — they advise family members and friends on how to respond to serious situations. Call 988 or the equivalent in your country and describe what you are seeing.
Help them access professional support now
Not eventually. Now. This means:
Helping them find a therapist or psychiatrist and offering to assist with making the appointment.
Encouraging them to tell their doctor what has been happening.
If they are unwilling or unable to seek help themselves, involving additional people — family, other friends, their doctor if they have one.
If there is immediate danger
If they are in danger right now — if they have a plan to hurt themselves, if they are in the act of harming themselves — call emergency services. Go with them to an emergency room if they will come. Do not leave them alone.
This is the appropriate response to an emergency. You are not overreacting. You are doing what the situation requires.
After the immediate crisis
Once the immediate situation is stabilized, the work continues. Serious mental health concerns need ongoing professional support, not just crisis management. Staying connected, supporting their access to care, and taking care of your own wellbeing are all part of the longer road.
You are doing the right thing by taking this seriously. Keep going.